


two people sitting doing nothing

by lemonsona



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Dirk Gently's Sad Childhood, Friendship, Iced Coffee, Loona - Freeform, M/M, Pining, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 17:16:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19322614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonsona/pseuds/lemonsona
Summary: Lydia and Dirk become friends. Things spiral from there.





	two people sitting doing nothing

**Author's Note:**

> i just want lydia and dirk to be friends :( 
> 
> set vaguely post-s2 but can probably be read if you've only seen s1. has blink-and-you-miss-it amanda/farah, but can probably be read as platonic if you're not into that. 
> 
> title taken from [no choir](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_c3P-YWLpQ) by florence + the machine
> 
> this is tooootally self indulgent but here we go!!

Lydia Spring is in his office and Dirk doesn’t know what to do. 

 

He fiddles with the hem of his jacket. It’s the rainbow one, the one Todd and Farah made for him special. “So… do you want to...get some coffee?” he desperately asks, searching for a way to make this less awkward than it is already. 

 

Lydia doesn’t answer. She has those strange new earbuds-that-aren’t-really-earbuds in, so Dirk’s not entirely sure she even heard him. He tries again. “Do you want to go get-” 

 

“I heard you the first time.” Lydia doesn’t even look up from her phone.  “I don’t want anything.” 

 

“Oo-kay,” Dirk responds. This isn’t working. Time for a different approach. “It’s just that Farah left you with me while she’s out, so-” 

 

Abort,  _ abort _ , not the right approach at all, because Lydia finally does look up from her phone, and she’s  _ mad _ . If looks could kill, Dirk would already be six feet under and even the universe couldn’t bring him back. 

 

“I don’t need a stupid  _ babysitter _ ,” Lydia spits out. “I’m seventeen and have been basically on my  _ own _ in a  _ foreign country _ for nearly a  _ year _ . I don’t need a weirdo in a leather jacket to look after me.” She’s so keyed up she takes her earbuds out and puts them in a little case, shutting it with more force than is perhaps necessary. “Or did she forget? She’s the one who fucking sent me away!” 

 

_ Oh.  _

 

So  _ that’s _ what this is about, then. It’s not really about Dirk at all. It’s possible Lydia didn’t mean to say that last part, because she flushes suddenly and turns towards the window. She shoves her hands in the pockets of her denim jacket, but before she does Dirk notices they’re trembling a little. 

 

Dirk tries to pick his words very carefully. “Lydia, you know Farah didn’t  _ want _ to send you away,” he tries. Lydia doesn’t say anything. Bolstered by the lack of an angry response, he goes on. “I mean, she just wanted to keep you safe, and that was  _ before _ all the other stuff with the FBI and the alternate dimension went down. It was insane! And she didn’t want to get you caught up in all of that, especially after what a trying time you’d just had. Farah loves you, she spent all that time looking for you. Why would she send you away unless she had a very, very good reason?”

 

There’s still no response from Lydia, but something that sounds suspiciously like sniffles comes from near the window. 

 

“Oh, crap, what did I say?” Dirk asks, hurrying over to the window. “Are you alright? I take it all back, I’m so sorry-” Lydia is crying, but she holds up a hand to cut him off. 

 

“A-are you, like, a therapist?” Lydia asks, wiping her eyes with her jacket sleeve. 

 

Dirk emits a nervous chuckle. “Um, no, I did not go to school for psychology. But I have very intense and complicated emotions, so I guess I’m just used to untangling things like that.” He’s not lying. When he was younger, more recently broken out of Blackwing, he’d had frequent, near-weekly emotional breakdowns. They still happen, sometimes, but he’s gotten very used to figuring out the real emotional problem. 

 

Lydia looks out the window, mouth set in a grim line. “I’m sorry for taking it out on you, but I guess I just felt… abandoned. By Farah. Even though I know it was just to help me.” She chokes up a little, like she’s trying very hard to fight tears. “And I mean… I guess I felt like I deserved it. This was all my fault, everything. I went to that stupid washed up rockstar’s house and got turned into a dog and started that whole mess.” She wipes her eyes again, hard. 

 

This is an emotional minefield that Dirk is  _ not _ equipped to handle. “Lydia, it’s  _ not _ your fault,” he starts. That’s a good opening, right? “You couldn’t have known what was going to happen at  _ all _ . You were just a confused teenager who wanted answers.” Dirk flashes back to  _ his _ teenage years. He did way more stupid  things than her. “None of this is your fault, and no one blames you. Not me, not Todd, and certainly not Farah. Okay?” 

 

She nods, eyes still bright with unshed tears. “Okay,” she whispers. 

 

“And you should  _ talk _ to Farah about this,” he advises, “because you’ll feel better when you hear it from her.” 

 

“I know! I know,” Lydia sniffles, exasperated. “I’ll talk to her when she gets back.”

 

“That’s the spirit!” Dirk says delightedly, clapping her on the back. She shoots him a look and he hastily removes his hand. Not  _ that _ friendly, then. 

 

Lydia, shockingly, giggles. “That got really intense, really fast,” she says, pondering. “Is it always that way with you?” 

 

“Unfortunately, yes,” he sighs. “It’s really  _ quite _ inconvenient.”  She giggles again. 

 

“So!” he says, clapping his hands together. “Now that that’s settled, any other pressing emotional crises to solve?” 

 

“Actually,” Lydia asks. Oh, great. Dirk offered and all, but he’s really not sure he can work through any more issues. At least not today. “Is that coffee offer still on the table?” 

 

Fantastic! “My dear Lydia,” Dirk says, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Coffee is  _ always _ on the table!” Lydia laughs, again. He’s on a roll! 

 

He’s just patting his pockets for his wallet when the bell on the agency door rings and Todd walks in, holding a drink carrier. It has three drinks. 

 

“Hey, guys!” Todd greets them. “Farah told me Lydia would be here so I brought coffee for all of us.” He pulls a face. “Um, Lydia, I didn’t know your order so I just got you a vanilla frappe thing. The barista told me teenage girls like that kind of thing.” He carefully sets down the drink carrier on Dirk’s desk, and Dirk immediately gets his drink and begins inhaling it like it’s water. Mmm, coffee. 

 

“Todd,” he says fervently. “You’re a  _ wonderful  _ assistant.” 

 

Todd flushes a little but otherwise ignores him. “Is that okay?” he directs to Lydia. She comes forward and takes the cream-colored drink. 

 

“Yeah,” she says, looking a little stunned. “That’s actually my favorite drink.” 

 

“What an incredible coincidence!” Dirk cries, delighted. “See? The universe will provide.” 

 

Neither looks very impressed by the statement. Todd rolls his eyes, and Lydia just takes a sip of her drink. 

 

An hour or so later, their drinks are long gone and Dirk and Todd are, in theory, doing paperwork. In reality, they’re just playing hangman with Lydia on the huge whiteboard Farah bolted to the wall of the office. Lydia has just figured out the word “barracuda” and won her third game in a row when Farah returns. 

 

“Hey, guys!” she greets, in a manner eerily reminiscent of Todd. It is entirely possible that they’re all spending too much time together. “Sorry that took so long,” she apologizes, “Amanda called me to kill a spider and then she needed me to sweep the  _ entire _ apartment for bugs.” She looks fondly exasperated. 

 

“Yep, that sounds like Amanda,” Todd says, sighing. “Is she good?” 

 

Farah nods. “Yeah, she’s fine- now that the bugs are gone. Anyways, thanks for watching Lydia, guys,” she says, crossing the office to come stand by them. “Lyds, I thought we could go to dinner to celebrate you being back? Just the two of us?” She bounces a little on the balls of her feet. 

 

Lydia looks at Dirk, who nods and gives her a very subtle thumbs up. “Yeah, sounds fun,” Lydia says, smiling softly. “Bye, Dirk and Todd. It was fun to hang out with you guys.” 

 

“Bye Lydia!” Dirk says, waving frantically. Todd just gives her a casual two fingered wave. 

 

Farah sweeps her out the door, and Dirk and Todd play a couple more games of hangman before giving up and going back to their apartment. 

 

It’s a good day. 

 

\---

 

The next day, Lydia comes by the agency totally unannounced. She plops down in the chair in front of Dirk’s desk and taps her fingers on his desk, several times. Dirk looks up from his paperwork, having finally resigned himself to actually doing it, and throws his pen down.  

 

“Oh, Lydia,” he says fervently. “Thank you for saving me from this hell. Half of the spots on this I don’t even know what to put. Birthday? How am I supposed to know  _ that _ ?” He gestures dramatically to drive home the absolute unfairness of the situation. 

  
Todd, seated nearby at his own desk, looks up from his smaller stack of paperwork. “You don’t know your own birthday?” he says, sounding befuddled. 

 

“Of course I don’t know my own birthday, Todd,” Dirk scoffs. “What, am I supposed to write it down fresh out of the  _ womb _ ? I couldn’t even speak, much less write! And it’s not as if you ever need it after the fact, it’s just  _ one day _ !” 

 

Todd just stares at him, but now he looks a little sad. “You’ve never celebrated your birthday?” 

 

“Moving past your horrifically sad childhood,” Lydia cuts in, “I talked to Farah, like you said.” 

 

Dirk instantly disregards all boring birthday talk for this new, exciting topic. “And?” he asks, sitting straight up in his seat. “How’d it go?” 

 

Lydia smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “It went really well.” Dirk cheers. She rolls her eyes at him but secretly looks a little pleased. “I think we’re really on the same page now, y’know? And logically I  _ knew _ she wasn’t mad at me, or anything, but it was nice to actually hear it.” 

 

“I’m  _ so _ glad it all worked out,” Dirk says whole-heartedly. “I know that was really bothering you.” 

 

Lydia snorts. “Yeah, ‘cause I yelled at you because of it.” 

 

“Well, yes. That was a contributing factor.” 

 

There’s a silence, and Dirk expects Lydia to leave now. He picks up his pen again, resigning himself to have to actually finish this dull and complicated paperwork, when Lydia clears her throat loudly. 

 

“So, like, do you guys want to play some more hangman?” 

 

Dirk throws down his pen with such fervor it bounces. “ _ Yes _ , absolutely!” he beams. “Todd, go get coffee?” 

 

Todd makes an offended noise. “What? Why? She didn’t even ask for coffee. Why do I have to get it?” 

 

“Obviously because I want coffee, and you probably want coffee, and Lydia most likely wants coffee,” Dirk faux-patiently explains. “And you have the company credit card, so you have to get it.” He looks sideways towards Lydia. “They won’t let me have one, because I buy too many jackets,” he whispers conspiratorially to her. Lydia looks like she thinks this is a very smart decision, which is fair. He does buy a lot of jackets. 

 

“Oh, my god, fine,” Todd says, exasperated. “I’ll go get coffee.” He leaves, grabbing his jacket from the hook by the door. Dirk looks fondly in his direction even after he’s gone. 

 

\--- 

 

After that, Lydia starts to become a regular fixture in their office. She drops by even when Farah isn’t there, and they hang out. When they all get bored of hangman, she brings in a deck of cards and Todd teaches them games. When they get bored of  _ that _ , Lydia plays rhythm games on her phone and he and Todd watch in awe. She graciously lets them play a couple rounds, and Dirk is (obviously) terrible. He just can’t get his fingers to move the right way or fast enough. Todd, on the other hand, is surprisingly good, but Dirk thinks that he has an unfair advantage from his years in the music industry. 

 

Speaking of music, Lydia brings in a Bluetooth speaker. They make great use of it to liven up the office, and sometimes Dirk even gets to DJ. He and Lydia bond over surprisingly similar music tastes- they both end up being big K-pop fans. They play it out loud tons, and Todd pretends to be annoyed because that’s what he thinks he has to do, but Dirk can tell he actually likes some of it. Lydia is really into the whole Twitter thing, and teaches Dirk some of the lingo. He doesn’t understand it at all, but nothing is funnier than the look on Todd’s face when he uses it. Once, Todd spills coffee on himself, and Lydia actually falls out of her chair laughing when Dirk looks him dead in the eyes and says, “Maybe if you stanned Loona…” On Friday nights, they pull up songs on Lydia’s phone and the lyrics on Dirk’s laptop and have karaoke nights!

 

It’s nice. It’s nice to have friends outside of his immediate circle. Dirk feels almost overwhelmed- he started this year with no friends, and now he has at least  _ five _ \- more if you count the other Blackwing subjects. He doesn’t, because he doesn’t want to get too greedy. He’s scared, alright? The universe never lets him have this much for long. It’s only a matter of time before it snatches it all away from him. He thought he had resigned himself to the fact that the universe will do what it wants with him, and that he just has to go along with it. He’s lost things, and more than that- he’s let things go. But now he doesn’t want to let go. He doesn’t know what he’ll do without Farah’s unsure charm, Lydia’s scathing wit, Hobbs’ kindness, Tina’s craziness, Todd’s… God,  _ everything _ . 

 

He doesn’t want to lose this. But it’s only a matter of time. 

 

\--- 

 

Lydia quietly closes the door behind her instead of her usual careless slam, and that’s how Dirk knows there’s trouble. She looks wan and pale, a little tired. Mostly she just looks nervous, and not at all like her usual self. 

 

“Todd,” Dirk says, slamming his laptop shut. “Go get coffee.” 

 

Todd, whose head jerked up at the sound of the laptop shutting, says, “What? Did you save that before you closed it? You’re gonna lose the Word doc again. Sorry, what?” 

 

Dirk hurries over to his desk and bodily hauls him out of his chair, walking him towards the door. Dirk can’t see his face but Todd sounds panicked when he says, “Whoa, what? What’s happening right now?” 

 

“Go get us  _ coffee _ ,” Dirk stresses, pushing him out the door and shutting it in his face. 

 

Todd is making indignant noises outside the door. “Fine, but only because  _ I  _ want coffee, not because you asked me to, asshole!” 

 

Dirk smiles. “Get me a cake pop, please!” 

 

There’s a heavy sigh and the sound of departing footsteps. When Dirk is satisfied that Todd is gone, he returns to his seat, gesturing for Lydia to sit down. “Okay, what’s the problem?” 

 

She doesn’t burst into tears, but Dirk can tell it’s a near thing. “It’s stupid. It’s really stupid,” she says, wiping her eyes preemptively. 

 

“Didn’t we establish that if it matters to you, it’s not stupid?” Dirk frowns. “It’s okay to be upset about silly things, Lydia.” 

 

“Are you gay?” Lydia blurts suddenly. She twists the hem of her t-shirt around her fingers uncomfortably. “I mean like, do you even know what that means?” 

 

Now it’s Dirk’s turn to be uncomfortable. This is really not where he thought this conversation was going. “Yes, I know what that means, Lydia,” he says slowly. “I’m naive and have a sheltered background but I’m not totally stupid. And yes,” he clears his throat. “I am gay.” He thinks that’s the first time he’s actually said it out loud. Huh. 

 

“Okay, I pretty much knew that, because of the way you dress and all.” She winces. “Not to be stereotypical or anything.” Lydia sees his frown, and hastens to continue, “I mean, most of it was from you and Todd. That’s how I was sure.” 

 

Press the pause button. Maybe the rewind button, too. 

 

“Me and Todd?” he asks incredulously. “What about me and Todd?” 

 

She hesitates. “Like, aren’t you guys dating?” 

 

“What?” Dirk exclaims. “Of course not, I would never- What on Earth gave you that impression?” He tries to work up some righteous anger, but it’s a bit hard when even you know you’re full of shit. 

 

Lydia, of course, can see right through this. She’s a smart teenager. “I mean, it’s just the way that you look at each other,” she says, leaning forward in her seat. 

 

Dirk was not aware they were looking at each other in any particular way. “And what way would that be?” he tries to scoff, desperately wanting to know the answer. 

 

She wrinkles her nose. “It’s hard to explain. It’s like, soft. And tender. It’s really gross.” She mimes sticking her finger up her throat and gagging. “Like, you look at him like… you can’t believe you got so lucky. That’s probably the best way to explain it.” 

 

Dirk’s suddenly finding it a bit hard to swallow. “Yeah, well,” he says, having a hard time meeting her eyes. “He’s my best friend. Lots of best friends are lucky they found each other.” 

 

“But you also have a crush on him,” Lydia presses. She says it softly, but she’s still pressing. It hurts, like she’s found his soft underbelly and dug her nails in. 

 

“Well,” he says, swallowing hard. “Yes. That’s true.” 

 

Lydia looks a little stricken, like she didn’t mean to make him upset. “Hey, don’t worry,” she says, patting his hand awkwardly. “I mean, me too.” 

 

Dirk snatches his hand away, horrified. “ _ You  _ have a crush on Todd too?” 

 

“ _ Ew _ , God! No! Oh my God!” She rushes to reassure him, eyes wide and mouth scrunched up like she’s tasted something foul. “Oh my god, no, that came out wrong. Gross.  _ God _ . I meant, like, I’m gay too.” She looks a little nervous, and Dirk wonders if maybe this is the first time she’s said it out loud, too. 

 

“Oh,” he says. He feels a strange sense of pride that maybe he was the first one she told. It warms the inside of his chest. “Well, it’s nice to know another.” 

 

Lydia sits back in her seat, snorting. “Are you kidding? There isn’t a straight person in this entire agency.” 

 

“Well, right,” he says, correcting himself. “Farah’s bi, I forgot. Todd is straight, though.” 

 

Lydia raises an eyebrow at him. “Are you kidding me?” she says incredulously. “Absolutely not.” 

 

Dirk sighs. He doesn’t want to have this argument that she seems to be gearing up to have. Todd’s straight, he’s accepted that. He’s fine with it. He never even dreamed he would have this much. 

 

“No, like, seriously,” Lydia presses, looking serious all of a sudden. “Did you not hear a single thing I said? Dirk, he was looking back.” She smiles, helplessly. “Whenever I looked and caught you looking, he was looking back.” 

 

The conversation winds to a halt after that. Todd gets back a couple minutes after with their drinks, and Dirk snatches his without making eye contact with him. He’s afraid of what’s showing on his face right now. He’s probably blushing, at the very least. Lydia takes her drink and leaves, vanishing somewhere to hang out with a friend her own age. Todd goes back to his own desk, and Dirk spends the rest of the day in a haze. 

 

He’s spent a lot of time carefully burying anything other than deeply fond friendship for Todd. He tucked his hapless love under several layers of rubble and rocks, not wanting to even acknowledge it was there.  But now Lydia’s come in with a bulldozer and excavated it all in one afternoon, and he’s not sure what to do anymore. It’s all out in the open, and he feels hopelessly exposed. But more than that, he  _ wants _ . He aches. Lydia’s given him something worse than just food for thought; she’s given him hope. And that’s dangerous. 

 

\--- 

 

He needs some information, before he properly embarks on this… whatever this is. Seduction plan doesn’t feel right, but he supposes that’s the closest to what’s going on. He texts Amanda. 

 

**To: Amanda :P**

_ Is Todd straight?  _

 

**From: Amanda :P**

_ JFIHDJGAKFDJGIADIGHDNCGAOIGDUHGJAFHA _

 

**To: Amanda :P**

_ I don’t know what that means.  _

 

**From: Amanda :P**

_ oh it’s like the gay way to laugh over text  _

_ anyways  _

_ my brother is not straight lmfao _

_ literally WHAT gave you that idea  _

 

**To: Amanda :P**

_ I dunno. I guess I just assumed  _

_ Are you sure?  _

 

**From: Amanda :P**

_ YES lmfao im sure.  _

_ he came out as bi when he was like 14  _

_ so then it was suuuper easy when i came out as a lesbian cuz he had already done all the heavy lifting lol _

 

He stares down at his phone and tries to remind himself not to make a big deal out of this. Todd’s bisexual- so what? It still doesn’t mean he’s in any way interested in Dirk. His phone pings with another text from Amanda. 

 

**From: Amanda :P** ****

_ is this abt u guys’ poorly hidden mutual crushes? _

_ cuz you should just go ahead and ask him out ;)  _

_ im bound by Sisterly Code so i can’t say much but… he may or may not be interested hehe _

 

Dirk looks up from his phone. Well, there’s that, then. 

 

\--- 

 

No one would argue that Dirk is a person who does lots of planning or research- he’s a big fan of just winging it. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out. If it’s not, he was never going to get it anyway, so who cares? So his modus operandi is to just wait until it feels natural and appropriate and then just casually slide into conversation that he likes Todd very much and might he be interested in going out sometime? Because casual, that’s Dirk. He is  _ nothing _ if not casual! 

 

Which, okay, massive lie. A week passes with Dirk trying to find a casual moment to bring it up and every time such a moment comes up he either panics and can’t bring it up, or lets the moment linger too long and it passes. It’s gotten to the point where every time he looks at Todd he’s reminded of his own feelings and starts acting strange, going red and stuttering. His behavior is being affected, and people are noticing. Lydia gives him a knowing smile, and Farah seems utterly confused but determined not to get involved. 

 

They’re in the office one afternoon, just him and Todd, Farah having left hours ago. Dirk’s rushing out the door after getting flustered looking at Todd’s hand- he wasn’t even thinking anything  _ inappropriate _ , for God’s sake, he was just  _ looking _ at them and still got all flushed- when Todd jumps out of his own seat to stop him from leaving. Todd puts his hand on the door, backing Dirk into a bit of a corner. 

 

“Dude, what’s  _ wrong _ with you?” Todd asks, frustrated. He takes his hand off the door and rubs his arms. “Did something happen? Did I…  _ do  _ something?” Dirk stares at him in horror. This was the exact opposite of what he wanted. “Because it feels like you’ve been avoiding me lately and I don’t really know what I did? If I did something wrong, just tell me, because I’ll stop.” His eyes are big and earnest. “Even if it’s something I don’t really get, because I’m your friend and-” 

 

“I really like you,” Dirk cuts in abruptly. It suddenly feels like his tie is far too tight. “I probably even love you, really. You’re the first person to ever treat me like I mattered. Like I meant something. So if this bothers you, just ignore it, because I would rather give up everything else in my life than give up you, but I just… had to let you know.” His eyes feel strangely wet and he wipes at them. 

 

Todd’s staring at him with a strange expression that he can’t quite place. Dirk starts to turn away, embarrassed, but Todd grabs his arm. His expression morphs into one of fierce determination with an undercurrent of something shy, something small. Todd leans up, almost onto his tiptoes- that’s cute, Dirk notes with disinterested detachment- and he kisses Dirk square on the mouth. 

 

It’s soft and dry, just a press of lips, and it’s over in a moment, but Dirk feels like he’s been shot through the heart with an arrow. Todd’s still in his space, clutching at his shirt, and Dirk’s finding it hard to breathe.

 

“Was that okay?” Todd asks anxiously, still only a couple of inches away. “I mean, was that good for you?” 

 

“I don’t know,” Dirk answers honestly. “I don’t really have anything to compare it to, but. I. Yes. It was very good!” He feels like he’s just learned how to speak English, stumbling over his own words. 

 

Todd looks like he always does when Dirk reveals something about his past- a little sad, but trying to hide it. “Well,” Todd says, starting to flush a deep crimson. “We’ll just have to work on that comparison thing together, then.” 

 

Dirk didn’t know his face could stretch like this, didn’t know his mouth could smile so wide. There’s a strange, soft feeling in his chest and it aches, but the good kind of ache. He didn’t think he could have this, have something this good. There’ll be stuff to worry about, there always is, and Dirk doesn’t even know the half of how a relationship really works, but that’s okay. He and Todd and tackle it together. 

 

“Do you want to go get some coffee?” he asks. 

 

Todd smiles, stepping back and reaching behind himself for the doorknob. “I would love to.” 

 

\--- 

 

Later, Dirk texts Lydia the good news and receives a string of unintelligible numbers and letters in response, along with several thumbs-up emojis. He grins and shuts his phone off, carefully placing it on Todd’s nightstand, and lays back down on Todd’s bed that has Todd in it. Just being here is enough to make him grin even wider. 

 

He looks at Todd and thinks that if this is all he ever gets, that could be enough. 


End file.
